I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
