he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
