I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
