My brain says no but my pants say off.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
