I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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