Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
