You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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