my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
