if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
farters have to be the big spoon...
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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