The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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