Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
