She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
