So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
