The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
There was a lot of him and a little penis
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
