Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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