i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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