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and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
