Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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