My sheets look like a crime scene.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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