6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
