Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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