And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
