So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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