i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
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