Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
