Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
