If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
