I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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