Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
