When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
