I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
