Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
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