I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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