Pregnant stripper...not hot.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
