Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
birth control should be required to get into college
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
