you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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