I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
