YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
