I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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