He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
