Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
