separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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