it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
