I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
