dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
