They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
