I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
