I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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