we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Randomize
