yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
