The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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