we have officially lost it.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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