Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
zippers are such a cool invention
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
